AFTER HE'S GONE by James Lineberger

after he's gone
i find myself alone in a church i've never
set foot in before
which once belonged to the methodists
but has since been taken over
by the newly formed lighthouse tabernacle of god jesus
the door hanging open by one hinge
and i go to a scratched-up pew at the back and kneel
the way they do at calvary
lutheran where my wife attends
but there's no rail and i'm on my knees on the floor
barely able to see over
the pew in front of me when all of a sudden
i hear a mumbled petitioner nearby
his supplication rising in an tremulous echo to the broken plaster ceiling
and i pull myself up higher trying to see
who the voice belongs to but there's
no one there
only the prayer
and then as i'm trying to make out the words
i realize it's my own helpless orison
crying no more please god no more take me let me die
but in the bleak silence
that follows i hear my old self emerge again
adding a cold ps that trails
like the angry farewell of one woman or another
to the james
who used to be her lover
saying fuck you then fuck you just leave
me alone

James Lineberger is a retired screenwriter, sometime playwright, and full-time poet. His work has been widely published in both print and online.